As human creatures, we tend to like the notion of things like diplomacy and peacemaking. It takes a grown-up person, possessed of patience and compassion, to resolve conflict reasonably in his or her own life. And it takes an even better person to mediate the disputes of others, to smooth the way to common ground, to convince those around them to make amends. I, dear readers, am no such person. And probably, you aren’t either. Let me tell you why….
As social animals, making an effort to get along with each other isn’t just a pleasant idea, it’s part of the survival instinct that’s kept our species flourishing lo these many generations. Whether what we need is a place around the fire, a share of the daily bread, or a better job – getting along favorably with the people around us, instead of making enemies, is the more assured way to go. (Yes, for some lucky few, being the Alpha at the top of the heap is best of all. But for the majority of mundane folk, acting halfway decent and establishing a reliable social network is far more practical.)
Where am I going with the Psychology 101 lecture? Rational people already want to get along with each other. Even if they don’t like each other personally, most people are still willing to be civil just in the course of living an easier, better life. When any given person reaches a point where they abandon civility, at least one of these facts applies:
1) an egregious wrong has been committed by one of the parties (unless you are a judge, law enforcement officer, or relationship counsellor, you cannot right an egregious wrong)
2) one or more parties involved is insane, to some degree (even if you are a counsellor, trying to mend fences between an insane party and anyone else is going to be a waste of time)
And, in either aforementioned scenario, if you get involved in other people’s dispute, you run the risk of their agression turning on you (be that in the form of a broken beer bottle, slander, or hate mail). To have any hope of success at playing the peacemaker you must be the pinnacle of human kindness and wisdom, and you must willingly run the risk of having the opposing forces direct their fury at you… while bearing in mind that you’ll probably fail, be hurt in the process, and leave everyone worse for your efforts.
My advice, dear readers: never play the peacemaker. Mind your own business.
And don’t take that as cynicism. It’s not your fault that other people are too crazy to be polite to each other, or that grave wrongs take place that no one can set right. We’ve romanticized the notion of peacemaking without being honest about how difficult and fruitless it is. Don’t get involved – stay out of it with a glad heart (because few things hurt worse than getting clubbed with your own olive branch).