I’m afraid my readership isn’t going to be broad enough to solve this problem, but I’m still going to try. People… spread the word. It’s the 21st century. It really is. But lately when I’ve gone out in public I’ve encountered compelling evidence to suggest that not everyone’s taken a close look at their calendar.
Sure, it’s July. It’s the dog days. It’s hot. We’re all sweating. But contrary to persistent local belief, that is no reason to cover yourself liberally in perfume, cologne, or whatever other highly fragranced liquid you find in the bathroom cabinet. Trust me. We’re living in an age of running water and largely air conditioned indoor settings. A hundred or even fifty years ago when laundry detergents didn’t really get clothes clean, when people in the summertime spent more time sweating (and more time in too close of proximity on crowded buses or in cramped office settings) due to limited options in environmental control systems – in those bygone days, yes, men and women had to douse themselves repeatedly with chemicals to keep a lid on offensive body odors.
But no more! Thanks to modern science, modern chemistry, and an industry devoted to cleaning the dickens out of your stinkiest unmentionables, there is absolutely no need to go out in public surrounded in a fog of fragrance. I swear by all that is good and right, the next time someone sits next to me in a coffee shop, reeking of artificial flowers to the high heavens, I’m going to say something. And it isn’t going to be something nice. I’m thinking of “hey, you with the smell, from how much my eyes are watering, I can tell you’re breaking an EPA regulation – sit tight, I’ll be back with a hazmat team.” (Or, I may just blurt out “what’s wrong with you, have you EVER taken a shower?”)
I sympathize with those who have fears of offending others, but, on my oath, I’d rather sit next to someone with normal old B.O. than someone dripping with whatever chemical soup I’ve been encountering. Trust me on this one, a simple routine of bathing, washing your clothes, and wearing a modest amount of ordinary deordorant is all it takes. And if that doesn’t seem like enough – it’s still all it takes. (Or hey, don’t go out in public. I don’t care, so long as I don’t have to suffer the company of another person who smells like a walking funeral parlor.)
Misinterpreting the 21st Century
I’m afraid my readership isn’t going to be broad enough to solve this problem, but I’m still going to try. People… spread the word. It’s the 21st century. It really is. But lately when I’ve gone out in public I’ve encountered compelling evidence to suggest that not everyone’s taken a close look at their calendar.
Sure, it’s July. It’s the dog days. It’s hot. We’re all sweating. But contrary to persistent local belief, that is no reason to cover yourself liberally in perfume, cologne, or whatever other highly fragranced liquid you find in the bathroom cabinet. Trust me. We’re living in an age of running water and largely air conditioned indoor settings. A hundred or even fifty years ago when laundry detergents didn’t really get clothes clean, when people in the summertime spent more time sweating (and more time in too close of proximity on crowded buses or in cramped office settings) due to limited options in environmental control systems – in those bygone days, yes, men and women had to douse themselves repeatedly with chemicals to keep a lid on offensive body odors.
But no more! Thanks to modern science, modern chemistry, and an industry devoted to cleaning the dickens out of your stinkiest unmentionables, there is absolutely no need to go out in public surrounded in a fog of fragrance. I swear by all that is good and right, the next time someone sits next to me in a coffee shop, reeking of artificial flowers to the high heavens, I’m going to say something. And it isn’t going to be something nice. I’m thinking of “hey, you with the smell, from how much my eyes are watering, I can tell you’re breaking an EPA regulation – sit tight, I’ll be back with a hazmat team.” (Or, I may just blurt out “what’s wrong with you, have you EVER taken a shower?”)
I sympathize with those who have fears of offending others, but, on my oath, I’d rather sit next to someone with normal old B.O. than someone dripping with whatever chemical soup I’ve been encountering. Trust me on this one, a simple routine of bathing, washing your clothes, and wearing a modest amount of ordinary deordorant is all it takes. And if that doesn’t seem like enough – it’s still all it takes. (Or hey, don’t go out in public. I don’t care, so long as I don’t have to suffer the company of another person who smells like a walking funeral parlor.)
Tags: deodorant, hygiene, perfume, stink
This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 14th, 2010 at 3:42 pm and is filed under Advice You Probably Don't Need, Commentary, Manners. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.